You Don’t Have to Shop in Thrift Stores to Be a Unitarian Universalist
Category: Unitarian Universalism - General
Blogger UUMomma wrote this weekend:
There are times when I feel “less-than” in the UU context because I: wear makeup; buy new clothes (hard to find cute clothes in my size on the racks, let alone in the thrift stores); eat meat–the redder the better; drive an hour each way to a job that I mostly love from a community I truly love; sometimes throw away a container that could be recycled because the cleaning of it would make me retch and heave; watch television with a vociferous appetite and prefer hearing Jim Dale read Harry Potter to me than listening to NPR these days.
What a relief that shopping in thrift stores, eating vegetarian, and other strigent requirements of the list above are not the actual qualifications for being Unitarian Universalist! UUMomma, I too would have been stricken from the rolls long ago.
Here’s my own example to add to the list: not cooking from scratch. When I hear “church potluck,” my first thought is “why do I have to spend several hours shopping for and then cooking a meal for 10 people, a meal that I know isn’t even going to be that good, just so that I can attend church?”
However, for the people who organize them, potlucks are about creating a venue where everyone can contribute something, about caring for other another’s bodies and spirits in the most basic way, and about spending social time together in a family-like setting. There’s a set of values behind potlucks (although there’s also more than one way to execute said values).
Being UU is not about particular lifestyle choices. It’s about values (such as respect for the inherent worth and dignity of every person, for the interdependent web of life), about a commitment to theological pluralism (respecting the right of every person to search for truth and meaning), about tradition (understanding and relating to our history), and about being in relationship with other Unitarian Universalists. Sometimes we even debate which values and traditions really are central to UUism; but at least it should be clear that values and traditions (not lifestyle choices) are at the core of our religious life.
In the course of living out those values, many Unitarian Universalists may choose to shop secondhand, eat vegetarian, walk to work, and make other significant lifestyle choices. These are great choices.
But as UUMomma points out, these aren’t easy choices for everyone, and they often involve other trade-offs. UUMomma’s post, which describes her daughter’s desire to wear (gasp!) new clothes to school, illustrates this perfectly. Women, whether they are children, teens, or adults, face tremendous pressure to wear clothes that are, if not trendy, at least classic, clean, attractive, appropriate to the context in which they are worn, and well-fitted. The price for women who do not abide by this social expectation can be significant, and may hinder the pursuit of other values. So women have to find ways of balancing social expectations with their own sense of themselves and their ethics. (Ditto for the issue of wearing makeup, which UUMomma includes on her list).
Unitarian Universalism does not dictate a one-size-fits-all set of lifestyle choices. Instead, our religion and our religious communities should help us define our core values and come up with ways to balance among these sometimes competing values and to respond to the demands of the world in which we live.
August 17th, 2008 18:19
Hi Shelby,
Loved your post! My friends and I sometimes discuss how challenging it is to be a UU. Mostly, we say it in the context of always striving to treat other people with kindness and respect — no matter what. So that no matter how verbally abusive someone is, we don’t take the bait and become abusive, too.
Instead, we attempt to muster up all our compassion and listening skills, our “I” statements , our focus on the breath of life, etc., etc. It’s exhausting!
And yes, it is difficult, on top of all this, to “always” walk or bike short distances instead of taking the car. On those rare occasions when I wander into a retail store rather than a secondhand one, I marvel at the cleanliness, the shininess of everything I see. Everything looks and smells so fresh. Aaaaah!
When I started working for for pay, I took my first month’s paycheck and bought a lovely chair and ottoman for the sunroom from a furniture store, not St. Vinnie’s. I love that chair and what it represents.
August 18th, 2008 14:16
Shelby,
Another right-on-target article from you — thank you so much! I have often felt less than committed? I guess because I feel I fall short of the UU mark. So it’s really affirming to read here that I’m not the only one who maybe has a set of ideals in my head that are virtually impossible to live up to.
Interestingly enough, at least, to me, is that I also felt this way when I participated in other, more traditional religious groups. Maybe it wasn’t about cooking from scratch for potlucks or not recycling every possible item in my household, but it was most definitely about not measuring up to some ideal. Ideal being the key word there, of course.
Thanks for making me think a little harder and reason a little better. :)
Suzanne
First UU Nashville
August 18th, 2008 14:55
Hi Shelby,
Thanks for the shout out (both of them!). I realized as I read this and the comments left at mine that what I didn’t want people to come away with is that I was dissing UUism. I realized that the inadequate way I feel is my own baggage; what I bring to the table. And it is definitely time to leave THAT somewhere else. Thanks for this.
August 18th, 2008 20:33
Thanks Elizabeth, Suzanne, and uuMomma for your comments!
Elizabeth, reacting to hatred and/or abuse without returning the same sentiment is a major challenge. I think it’s wonderful that you are your friends have chosen that particular challenge as an opportunity to live out Unitarian Universalist values.
Your story about the chair (and about what it means to you) made me smile.
Suzanne, you make an important point that unattainable ideals can be found in many different religious traditions. There’s a line between setting out an inspiring vision for living a more fulfilling and compassionate life (which most religious groups do), and holding out this vision as an unattainable ideal that engenders feelings of inadequacy and failure.
uuMomma, I definitely did NOT interpret your initial post as a diss. I read it as a healthy critique. I love having you at the UU table!
October 1st, 2008 14:54
OMG “why do I have to spend several hours shopping for and then cooking a meal for 10 people, a meal that I know isn’t even going to be that good, just so that I can attend church?” THAT IS SO ME! I don’t want to eat crap that is either so crunchy vegie that I have no idea what it is or so fat laden that I will have to do 100 crunches just to make a dent.
Laughing… just laughing a this!