The Big C
Category: Unitarian Universalism - General
I have a small confession: during this church year, I have not been regularly attending services at my home congregation. I’ve dropped in a handful of times during the year. I’ve been visiting other congregations, both in Boston and in other places when I travel. And some mornings I’ve just plain skipped.
The main reason for this is that I found the Sunday morning services didn’t speak to the issues in my life and reflected a theological orientation I couldn’t relate to. The congregation has been in a ministerial transition (meaning our former ministers retired, and we’ve been searching for a new permanent minister), so there have been many changes, and we’ve been waiting to see what form worship (and many other aspects of congregational life) will take in the longterm.
I’ve been embarassed to admit my service skipping because I value my congregation and I’m proud to be a part of it. I feel deeply connected to my fellow congregants. And I have very warm feelings of respect and gratitude towards our ministerial staff, and to our worship committee members (I served on worship committee for years, including several years as chair).
I’ve also been sad because regular attendance had been an important spiritual practice for me for about five years. It has been upsetting to let it go, even if only for a year.
Some night last week I had a dream. I was with my husband, Shai, and we were going to a UU church for worship. But it wasn’t on a Sunday morning, it was on a Wednesday night! And when we got there, it wasn’t in an old New England building, but in a big, modern looking room. And there were all these cool, modern looking signs welcoming us. There were hundreds of people there. And there were lots of young adults. And when the music started playing, we were trembling with emotion. And I felt so glad to be there.
Maybe it was more of premonition. This Sunday was my congregation’s first day of “candidating week,” in which the “candidate” our search committee is recommending as our new permanent minister spends a week with us. The week kicks off with the candidate minister leading a worship service.
When I arrived on Sunday morning and stepped into our old New England sanctuary, I was stunned. There were hundreds of people! I ended up in a pew with five people (including two good friends), and I saw there was barely an empty seat around us. There were lots of young people, but also children, youth, middle-aged people and older folks. There were familiar faces I hadn’t seen in a longtime, as if we had all come out of hibernation. A sense of excitement and relief filled the air.
Of course our candidate did an amazing job with the worship. He gave a sermon that was deeply grounded in real-life issues, and framed with a theological approach that I could find a place in. And when he, a former musician, led us in hand-holding song at the end of worship, I was choking back tears.
But as terrific as our ministerial candidate is, for me the star of the morning was our COMMUNITY. We wouldn’t have ended up with such a wonderful ministerial candidate if our search committee hadn’t been so dedicated and discerning. And he wouldn’t be interested in serving us if we hadn’t created an attractive and functional church community. And while the final song was moving, there wouldn’t be anyone to sing it if hundreds of us hadn’t come back to express support for and excitement about this community.
April 14th, 2008 10:28
Shelby, how exciting for you! Maybe you needed the time away in order to return with a new perspective. Think of it as a sabbatical!
April 14th, 2008 10:44
Been thinking of blogging on this, so I may more in depth later, but I have to say that I returned to church yesterday for the second time in months. Circumstances of my life have kept me away, for the last two months. I went the first time because my kids were doing the service, and then yesterday, our minister was back in the pulpit after a two month sabbatical (first time for me to be back when he was back, I should say). The sermon did very little for me, I have to say, and I was getting ready to get my knickers in a knot over it, but then, I stopped and realized what comfort it was to be in that space with a lot of people I have come to love, saying the same words at the same time with them, singing. Oh, the music. We are so lucky with what we have in a music director, and his postlude brought me to weeping in its simple, elegant beauty. The elements of the service did for me what the sermon could not, did not. And much of it was just as you said, being in community with people.
Best of luck with your candidate.
April 14th, 2008 12:00
Yep, there’s more to worship than just the sermon, isn’t there? I am going to be preaching on Worship on May 4, hoping to help people understand that the open-heartedness they bring to a worship service is as important as the words they hear there. It can’t all be up to the minister and worship leader(s)! Best wishes to both of you.
April 14th, 2008 12:01
Oh– so glad that the church experience may be coming together for you. I can relate to your feelings though..I’ve been noticing a number of people feeling they are not receiving a full spiritual experience from their UU church. I have had a hard time transitioning myself from a large, vibrant church to a small one where I don’t really get a lot from the sermons or services. What I get from my small church is mostly community, too–and a chance to serve, which does fill me usually. But I have also been visiting churches outside of my congregation for deeper worship…though there are no other UU churches around here, so I’ve been visiting liberal christian ones (i.e. UCC street ministry), not intending to join, but just to find something that feeds my soul a bit deeper. (Ironically, the minister I heard preach sounded so much like one of my favorite UU preachers in his message and delivery, that I think real religion transcends denominational lines…) But I am a UU at heart, and keep coming back…
I think a combination of community and great leadership is important in a UU church to make it work. It’s important work figuring out how to make it happen!
April 14th, 2008 12:35
Your post reminds me of something Philocrites wrote about how church sort of changes for post-seminarians. I’m paraphrasing, and hoping he’ll correct, if need be. But I wonder if it’s a support group in the making in terms of learning how to find meaning differently from before.
April 14th, 2008 15:34
I have a hard time with this one; sometimes it is just BEING in church that lifts and sustains me-just the feeling; I remember once I was walking to one side of the auditorium during the “family mass” when we were singing the phrase “I am here lord”-the brightness caused by the huge high windows and the lift of all the voices still brings me to tears-it was that powerful.
But! there are other times when I desperately need SOMETHING from the sermon that touches my life-something that I can take to my heart AND head, and get discouraged if I don’t hear it in the sermon, and if this keeps happening, I fall away-my own fault, I know, but nonetheless that’s what I do….
April 14th, 2008 22:48
Thanks for the supportive comments.
Ms. Kitty, thank you for the point about the worship leader and the worship community both needing to contribute to a positive worship experience. I remember a few years ago, I preached the same sermon in two different congregations, a week apart. I had no prior experience with either congregation.
On the first Sunday, I was elated! People greeted me warmly after the service and passed on positive feedback about the sermon. At the second service, congregants barely spoke with me during coffeehour and generally seemed unethusiastic.
It was a good lesson that a worship is not a packaged product that you simply deliver. It’s a shared experience that is influenced by the worship leader, the choir, the staff, the congregants, the issues in the life of the congregation, and, of course, the workings of the divine.
As Terri put it, “a combination of community and great leadership is important in a UU church to make it work. It’s important work figuring out how to make it happen!”
UUMomma, your words about “what comfort it was to be in that space with a lot of people I have come to love, saying the same words at the same time with them, singing” really resonates with me. In our congregation, we say a call to prayer that we’ve been saying since I started attending (and probably well before) — the unison recitation of that and of our covenant are very meaningful to me.
Dawn, what a beautiful story about your moment of joy and sustenance while singing “I am here lord.”
And your point about needing a sermon that speaks to both head and heart is a good one. The most memorable sermons I’ve experienced — the ones that I reflect on years later — addressed problems that I struggle with in my daily life, in a way that was nuanced but still clear.