Relationships Change Hearts

Over the weekend, I watched “For the Bible Tells Me So,” and it was terrific. The film recounts the stories of highly religious (Christian) parents whose children are gay or lesbian, interspersing their accounts with analysis of Biblical passages related to homosexuality.

It may sound like an awkward juxtaposition of the personal and intellectual, but it really works. Not only did the film move me on an emotional level, but I also learned quite a lot about the religious debate over homosexuality (which is saying something, giving that I’ve lived in Massachusetts during the gay marriage debate and attended Divinity School at the same time. I naively thought the film would be nothing new, but I was surprised by the depth of information and storytelling).

Stephen Merino, at Reason and Reverence, just wrote a very good and very thorough review of the film. He writes:

Setting aside religious and scientific arguments about homosexuality, which are no doubt important, this is also a matter of the heart. I’ve been fortunate to know and befriend individuals, men and women, that happen to be homosexual. My heart tells me that these people are just as entitled as I am to expressing their love, exploring and enjoying their sexuality, and having a committed relationship, even in marriage. In a sense, the arguments for or against it fade away when you are faced with a real life person whose hopes and dreams you care about. Then it becomes a matter of compulsion, for you feel compelled to do all you can to fight for their rights and make this world a place where they are respected and understood.

Stephen’s words made me think of conversations I’ve had with fellow Unitarian Universalists over the last several years. Unitarian Universalists have a (well-earned) reputation for being concerned about and active on social justice issues. We are known for marching in protests, writing letters to our legislators, and generally raising heck for the issues we care about.

But when I worked at Promise the Children (a UU organization that mobilizes advocates for children), I had conversations with many UU’s who not only lobbied for children’s issues (like health insurance and education funding), but who also worked directly with children and families on a regular basis. These activists were teachers, parents, religious educators, social workers, and youth workers. They often cited their direct experience as the reason that they cared so deeply about social change.

Stephen’s words reminded me of a recent sermon that Rev. John Hickey, the head of the Unitarian Universalist Urban Ministry, gave at my congregation this winter. He talked about the value of building relationships between Massachusetts UU’s (many of whom live in the suburbs) and the urban children and adults living in Roxbury. I was especially struck by his point that you only have to know one teenager who reads at third grade level to realize that the education system needs to be reformed. I should note that this is from my memory of the sermon, so it may not be verbatim.

The larger message remains clear in my mind: it’s by getting to know individual people, and being in relationship with them, that each of us learns more about the society in which we live and how it can be made more fair. This message resonates with me because that has been my own experience; spending time with individual children and youth has helped me to better understand (and more deeply care about) the large systems that shape their lives. I sometimes hear people scorn direct service as a band-aid or a guilt-alleviation measure that changes nothing. But I think if we each go into helping one another with an attitude of openness to learning from each other and being changed, then relationship-building becomes an integral part of how we work for justice in the world.