From “Me” to “We” and Back Again

I’ve been mulling over Rev. Nancy McDonald Ladd’s post from last week, “Know thyself, then get over thyself.” A Unitarian Universalist, Rev. Ladd argues that liberal religion places too great an emphasis on growing in knowledge (and affirmation) of one’s self, at the expensive of serving others.

In a critical passage, she writes:

…I mean, is the whole point of religion really to know ourselves better? Are we really doing this church thing just so that we can be happier and more self-aware and at one with our deepest selves? I don’t think so. I think we do it so that we heal some of the things in this world that are broken. Self-knowledge is a tool that makes such work possible, but it’s not the end goal.

Indeed, spirituality does not start and end with “me.” True spiritual growth takes place in the context of “we,” of being part of something larger than our individual selves. Something larger could be a religious community, a family network, a friendship or romantic relationship, a relationship with God, a sense of communion with nature, or another experience of connection.

That said, I’m hesitant to embrace the linear model of spiritual growth that Rev. McLadd proposes. I don’t think it’s helpful to see spiritual growth as a process of “know thyself, then get over thyself.” The truth is that we never fully know ourselves, and most of us will never fully get over ourselves either.

I see too many liberal religious people trying to skip right over the hard work of self-knowledge. The logic goes something like, “I don’t need to spend any time meditating/praying/worshiping/journaling/talking to a psychiatrist/etc.; I know I’m spiritually whole because I volunteer at the soup kitchen.”

This usually leads to a kind of breakdown within the person. As the saying goes, “wherever you go, that’s where you are.” When we are spiritually troubled, we need to look both inward and outward. Otherwise, we will carry those troubles into all facets of our lives.

We need to rethink spiritual growth as a holistic process. Spirituality is not simply bathing in the glory of self-knowledge, nor does it involve skipping right over self-knowledge. I see it as more of a dynamic experience, one in which we are always moving between understanding of ourselves and understanding of other people and the larger world.

Related articles:

Rev. Thom Belote’s “2007: A Year of Reading,” (see his review of the book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.)

“The Gospel of Self-Indulgence,” on Looking for Faith, addresses the importance of self-care.

Update 2/2/08

uuMomma, Jacqueline, and Terri Pahucki created a rich discussion in the comments on this post. uuMomma suggested that the relationship between service work and introspective work can be understood as “symbiotic” rather than “dynamic.” Terri added that there is a danger in seeing “things as EITHER “spiritual” OR “activist.” She wrote, “I think a well-developed spirituality is BOTH.” And Jacqueline asserted that although “balance” should be our goal, “there is a tendency for UU’s to spend a great amount on the path of spirituality without really going anywhere.”