Comforted by Unitarian Universalism

Lifelong Unitarian Universalist Jacqueline recently asked readers of her blog “How does being a Unitarian bring comfort during a time of crisis?” She writes:

The question is how does being UU help? What comfort is there in our religious faith. The quick answer, for me, is none. It actually leads to more questions then answers.

Jacqueline’s point is well taken. Unitarian Universalist congregations are committed to promoting “a free and responsible search for truth and meaning.” But sometimes we get so excited about having the freedom to search that we are shy about discussing the actual truth and meaning that we find.

A recent Unitarian Universalist Association ad promised newcomers “Find Us and Ye Shall Seek.” A more complete description might read “Find Us and Ye Shall Seek for Meaning In An Open-Minded, Embracing Community of Fellow Seekers, Each Offering Insight and Support.” (You can see why the UUA chose a shorter slogan!)

But I think that “answers” are only part of what some people want from religion during a crisis, and that Unitarian Universalism has more to offer.

Like many newcomers, I discovered Unitarian Universalism during a difficult time.

It wasn’t the promise of answers that drew me in. I had not only read about many different religions (each offering answers), but also visited many houses of worship, hoping to find a religious home. But at each one, I felt that I didn’t quite belong, because I couldn’t accept the whole package of beliefs and traditions that each religion offered.

During this desolate time in my life, I discovered Unitarian Universalism by chance, on a school field trip to learn about the religious history of New England! In my first Unitarian Universalist worship service, I knew I was home.

One of the best decisions I’ve ever made was to start attending that church on a regular basis. Here are some of the ways church helped me heal:

1. Worship! I felt a strong sense of the sacred in Sunday morning worship, and in the smaller worships held by and for young adults.

2. A place to go. Although I found getting up out of bed at 9:30 am (!) on Sunday mornings a major challenge, I liked the steady, reliable, ritualistic aspect of weekly worship. Because the congregation also offered Tuesday night activities for young adults, I could attend church twice a week if I was feeling like I needed even more support.

3. The minister. I immediately felt a sense of warmth and admiration for the parish minister, and we became close friends over time. I can’t overestimate the importance of this relationship in helping me feel that I belonged at my church and in Unitarian Universalism. In her moving account of how she was comforted by Unitarian Universalism during her daughter’s illness, blogger Lizard Eater writes, “It would be impossible for me to separate out people from the religion that brought me comfort.” I feel that too.

4. Community. Did I mention the young adult group at my church? I found the people in the young adult group kind, funny, thoughtful, and concerned about social justice — in a word, cool. And I could just show up and hang out with them. At a time in my life where my energy for making a big social effort was zapped, I could just attend and be welcomed.

5. A larger cause. I liked the feeling of being a part of a larger movement of liberal, open-minded spiritual seekers.

6. Ownership. Some people are workaholics. I am a leadership-a-holic. Sometimes my husband and I visit synagogues for the Jewish holidays. If I like the synagogue, I start to picture what it would be like to attend on a regular basis. Then I consider which committee in the synagogue I would lead. It’s a slippery slope!

I jest, but one of the things I appreciated about the church is that I could contribute. After a few months, I started organizing “spiritual discussion” nights for young adults. In each meeting, a facilitator would share a single spiritual question or topic and then invite everyone to share thoughts (and answers!) in response.

7. Answers! How sneaky of me to bring it back to answers afterall :-)

I did find some answers. Not to every question I had, but to some — and that was enough. For example, one of the most moving sermons I ever heard was from a friend who was training for ministry. She preached about forgiveness. I will boil down for you the message of her sermon (as I remember it): “Forgiveness is good. Forgiveness makes you feel better. Forgiveness is difficult. Sometimes forgiveness seems impossible. But people are capable of forgiving extraordinary wrongs, wrongs far worse than what most of us here will have experienced. Let me tell you some stories that illustrate the capacity of people to forgive, and the healing they bring to the world by so doing.”

There’s nothing uniquely Unitarian or Universalist about that message. I could find it in a book. I could find it in other faith traditions. But hearing that message (and many others) in the context of all other factors listed above, in the time and place where I most needed it, gave me comfort.

Update 3/10: I just found a wonderful post by UUMomma on this topic: “What comfort, UU?”