What Does It Mean to Accept One Another?

The Third Principle guiding Unitarian Universalist congregations is “acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations.” I think it should be obvious that churches encourage people to grow spiritually. This post explores what it means to accept one another.

I take the Third Principle to mean we should offer compassion and respect to all people through our congregations. The “acceptance” we should offer is a form of unconditional love. It is not earned, nor is it based on the receiver’s personality, intellect, social location or other individual qualities. This “acceptance” is based on the recipient’s “inherent worth and dignity,” as upheld by the First Principle.

The meaning of “acceptance” can be easily misconstrued. The Third Principle is not about simply tolerating one another’s existence (which is a rather low bar), or as agreeing with one another all time (which is an unrealistic fantasy). Instead, it is about finding ways to welcome and care for one another.

Applying the Third Principle to real life situations requires personal strength, and communal soul-searching. There was recently an article in the New York Times about a United Church of Christ (UCC) congregation, Pilgrim UCC.* Pilgrim is trying to decide whether to allow a former sex offender, Mark Pliska, to be a part of their congregation. Members of the congregation have mixed feelings. As one young child put it, “I’d feel uncomfortable…but we’re supposed to let everybody come.” An adult in the congregation remarked, “By welcoming one person, are we rescinding our welcome to some of the survivors among us, people in pain and healing, members of our family?” These quotations were moving to me. Although this is a UCC congregation rather than Unitarian Universalist, it is clear to me that the members of this congregation are spiritually akin to Unitarian Universalists in their belief in welcoming all people.

Had the members of Pilgrim quickly rejected Pliska, they might have avoided some very painful conversations and memories. And there probably would have been little public backlash. But instead they are engaging in a process of deep conversation and spiritual questioning, driven by their beliefs. I am deeply sympathetic to the different perspectives members are trying to balance, and can imagine I would find it very difficult to be in their situation. The members of Pilgrim inspire me. They are willing to grapple with conflict and fear–and to do so publicly–in order to live by their commitment to welcoming all people.

*The article also quotes several Unitarian Universalist leaders, including Rev. Debra Haffner of the Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing, and Rev. Patricia Tummino of the First Unitarian Universalist Society of Middleboro.