There’s More

One of the reasons I started this website–geared towards people who are seeking a new beginning in their faith journey–is because my congregation has been going through a new beginning over the past year. For seventeen years, we had a parish minister who was loved, and who brought the congregation from a place of fragility, to a place of stability. He retired last June.

Although I was happy for him to enjoy retirement, I was heartbroken about his leaving the congregation and moving to the other end of the state. In Unitarian Universalist congregations, ministers do not maintain contact with their former congregations and congregants. This practice ensures that the congregation can truly start over by building a new relationship with a new minister. But it also means a deep sense of pain and loss for many of the congregants.

Of course, there were many people who also said, “This is a great new beginning for the congregation! We can try new things, and get to know who we are without our former minister!” This sentiment was expressed by people who were close to the former minister, and those who were not.

But I was mostly going through the motions when church started up again in September. A sense of duty motivated me to come to church on Sunday mornings. I had been attending for five years, so it was not much effort to continue. And I’m chair of the worship committee, so I felt like it would be wrong to start sleeping in. Still, I experienced absence in my spirit, rather than presence, when I attended. I was keenly aware of who was not there, what traditions were not being continued, and what wonderful feelings I did not feel.

This sense of duty pulled me through most of the winter. But over the months, there were increasing signs that something new was happening within me. That there was presence as well as absence. For example, this was my favorite year of chairing worship committee. I am very fond of the people who have joined the committee this year, and I’ve really bonded with them. And part of this bonding is due to the fact that we are indeed taking on new projects, and trying new things.

This year we created a program that trains laypeople to lead worship services, whereas in the past there were few if any lay-led services during the church year. Helping people learn this art form, and use it to share spiritual insights with others, makes me happy. It was our former minister who first taught me how to lead worship, in a class at seminary, and I remember how excited when I was able to learn. When I work with other people on leading worship, I get to experience this joy of learning again.

My relationships with fellow congregants have also changed. Before this year, I felt that although I had friends, including some close friends, in the congregation, my closest relationship was with the minister. Now, I feel like people in the congregation are growing closer to one another, and I am a part of that. I’m not sure I can explain exactly what the signs are. I have often heard our congregation referred to as a somewhat cold place, or as a place that is difficult for a newcomer to break into. But it feels to me that it is warming up.

I’ve learned that the church is more than any one person. The church is not just the minister, not just the whole staff, and not just the standing committee chair. And it shouldn’t be. It’s the sign of a healthy congregation that our relationships with one another can adapt, so that we move on into the future.

And I’ve learned that I have more opportunities to grow spiritually. Writing this blog has helped me to explore new questions about my faith, and to learn from the writings and comments of other Unitarian Universalists. After I write I feel lighter, as if I’ve shared something I needed to let go of. It’s a spiritual practice I would never have imagined developing a year ago.

In the midst of a new beginning, it is sometimes difficult to imagine that there is more. More joy, more things to be excited about, more pieces of ourselves yet to be discovered. But there is. This is why I stay active in the church–to find that there’s more. Sometimes I feel great faith in the future, but sometimes I don’t. Starting over well is not simply a matter of faith. We can find more even when we are not ‘feeling it.’ Experience bears this out. I know there’s more, because I’ve found it through worshiping, praying and reaching out to others for support. Even though at first I didn’t really feel like it. Making a new beginning is a matter of doing—keeping up the traditions we call our own, and experimenting with new things that are calling us to be and feel more.