T.D. Jakes Gives Advice to Congregations on Taking Action Against Domestic Violence
Category: Uncategorized
DallasNews Religion, a good source for daily news about religion in America, mentions T.D. Jakes’s recent Atlanta Journal-Constitution article, “Domestic Abuse is Unholy.” T.D. Jakes is one of the most famous and accomplished African-American religious leaders in America today.
I’m not very familiar with Rev. Jakes’s teachings, and I know that I would disagree with some of his beliefs, particularly his homophobia.
But I was stirred by reading Jakes’s advice about how congregations should approach domestic violence against women. Domestic violence is not an issue that I have heard discussed often in my own congregation, but I know that it affects women and men in every walk of life, in every part of the world.
Jakes takes on the problem, focusing on the prevalence of violence against women, the mistakes churches can make in dealing with domestic violence, and the need for congregations to intervene more effectively. His article provides clear advice, while naming some of the moral and religious issues that congregations face in dealing with domestic violence.
He writes:
As difficult and as painful as it is to realize, both the victim and the perpetrator are souls that God loves…The church is the place where people can find redemption even when they have made bad choices or been victims of those who did. We have to stop standing on the road and watching the accident, pointing and staring while the people who are injured in both cars hemorrhage without solution…
Churches can do something to support families through this difficult time by giving them a safe and discreet place to come for counseling. We must be prepared to get the victim out of harm’s way even while we are working for a solution. However, what the church cannot do is to say to the victim, “Go home and believe that God will make things better.” Or lead them in prayer and leave them in danger.
Jakes goes on to describe concrete ways for congregations to provide resources for victims of domestic violence.
There is much more to be said about religious responses to domestic violence, and some people who are experts in this field might offer criticisms of Jakes’s approach that I haven’t considered. But it seems to me that Jakes’s article is one important resource for increasing awareness of religious responses to domestic violence, and helping congregations be effective at intervention.
September 5th, 2007 11:46
Hmm. I’ve never heard domestic violence brought up as a central issue in a UU congregation. It would lead one to believe that UUs don’t struggle with this problem. But I doubt that.
September 5th, 2007 14:44
I was at one time part of a community group in Missouri that was starting a shelter for women and children. I was shocked to see that it was the ministers who said that they didn’t have that problem in their churches. I think it is something that happens everywhere… at all levels of society.
September 5th, 2007 15:30
Hafidha and Jacqueline,
Thank you for sharing your experiences about how domestic violence is treated by congregations and ministers. Like Hafidha, I’ve never heard of a UU congregation making a concerted effort to address domestic violence among its own membership. And I don’t think it is because our members are somehow immune to being victims or perpetrators.
Unfortunately, my suspicion is that the silence on this issue comes out of a mistaken belief that domestic violence happens to “other people,” as Jacqueline alludes to in her mention of ministers who didn’t think it could happen in their own congregations.
For a long time, I’ve been concerned by a similar lack of visibility and effort around substance abuse, even though this too is a rampant problem that causes severe harm to people across the socio-economic spectrum. I don’t know of any UU substance abuse ministries that serve members of UU congregations, although there may be some out there. I know some congregations may provide space for AA to meet, but I think it would be helpful for UU congregations to also provide supplementary services.
I don’t want to equate the situation of a domestic abuse victim and a substance abuser, as in many ways they are quite different. But in both cases, there is a high level of stigma attached to admitting one’s situation and seeking help. And in both cases, congregations may be tempted to think that only “other people” have these problems. People in such a congregation who need help may be ashamed to ask for it, and the congregation’s silence may only reinforce that sense of stigma. In the case of victims of domestic violence, there may also be a very real physical risk in seeking out services, so that the victim needs to know he or she will receive real protection after seeking help from the congregation.
One more thing I want to add is that there may be a lot of pastoral counseling on these issues happening in UU congregations, that is simply not visible due to confidentiality. Pastoral counseling is a valuable service that our congregations provide. But I do think we need to take things a step further by openly creating and publicizing resources dealing with issues such as domestic violence and substance abuse, and by admitting that these problems impact people everywhere.
September 5th, 2007 18:41
[…] After reading Shelby’s post on Rev. T.D. Jakes’ advice to congregations about domestic violence, I replied that I’d never seen that issue raised within a UU congregation. Maybe about some other people, out there somewhere, but basically I’ve been left with the impression that domestic violence doesn’t exist within UU communities. Is this true? I doubt it. UUs have all sorts of problems, why wouldn’t we have that one? And yet, I can’t think of a single incident in my six or so years as a UU in which domestic violence was treated as our problem. […]
September 6th, 2007 10:02
UUs don’t discourage questioning a certain source of authority that makes it clear that women are property.
I’d say it’s more important for Christians to make a big point of the wrongness of domestic violence, particularly those who are preaching the Bible as unerring.
CC
September 6th, 2007 10:53
Hi CC,
The point I was making is that people within our congregations are likely suffering as victims and perpetrators of domestic violence, and we need to provide services to them. These services include counseling and helping the victim safely leave the abusive situation. This is our religious obligation.
The fact that some religious groups are reading and interpreting the Bible in a sexist way that perpetuates oppression is lamentable. But that doesn’t lessen our own responsibility to help UU congregants who are suffering from domestic violence.
September 6th, 2007 11:46
I don’t know. That violence against women is unacceptable behavior in our community seems obvious enough.
If an abuse victim feels ready to come forward about it, it seems to me there are lots of resources. I’ve never attended a UU church that didn’t have a pastoral care team in some form or another that could facilitate counseling, temporary shelter upon leaving the spouse, etc.
If the abuser comes forward, there are counseling resources available as well.
While a “spousal abuse prevention team” of some sort is a possibility, I see two major issues with it.
1. Just knowing how church cultures tend to work when they start to see somebody as a project, I’m pretty sure the “No, I’m not being abused. I have lupus. We get bruises. Look it up, and please leave my husband and me alone” issue would be rampant.
2. My understanding of abuse is such that an abuser will do whatever he/she can to isolate his/her spouse from any place with a group like that. IMHO, the victim would quit the church long before he/she were ready to come forward.
Do you have another suggestion?
September 6th, 2007 12:11
Hey CC,
I think pastoral care teams are a great idea. We don’t have a lay pastoral care team at my own congregation. We also don’t make it widely known that pastoral counseling is available from the ministers, so I worry that some people who are in the congregation but not very active may not know this resource is available.
So one important step, as I see it, is to make sure pastoral care resources are available AND that people know how to get connected to them. I also think it is important for the ministerial staff to emphasize that seeking help for domestic violence is not a shameful thing, and that domestic violence impacts people in all walks of life.
However, I wouldn’t feel comfortable making a more specific recommendation about exactly how ministers should talk about this issue, since I’m not an expert on church intervention in domestic violence. Ditto for your question about to reach victims who are isolated. It’s an important question, but one that should be answered by an expert.
September 6th, 2007 13:36
Ah. Got it. Sounds like we were mostly talking at the same thing from different directions.
Wow. A lack of a pastoral care team sucks.
Who organizes the food for funerals and coordinates helping old people with minor home repairs?
Your church should organize the resident crop of old ladies into one ASAP.
It’s good for the old ladies and good for the congregation. Some of the folks on ours do practical stuff, some of them do counseling.
My impression is that for something like domestic violence they would mostly listen and suggest outside resources. But still, that’s something.
CC
September 6th, 2007 16:13
Hi CC,
I totally agree; lay pastoral care groups are a great idea and it’s a loss for us that we don’t have one. I’m hoping there will be a chance to start something up when we have a settled parish minister (we’re in transition until next September).
A few years ago a few laypeople did start a group; it was focused less on counseling and more on the practical things you mention, like sending cards to someone who is sick. But the group faded out quickly, perhaps due to lack of volunteers. It leaves a gap in the services we can provide for each other, and especially for congregants who are not tapped into small groups or other support networks.
Thanks for your insights on this. It’s helpful to hear that other congregations do have such teams and that they are appreciated.
October 7th, 2007 18:34
[…] On a related note…After writing several weeks about how congregations can address the issue of domestic violence, I went to a panel on domestic violence hosted by a local feminist organization. I asked about how congregations can help victims of domestic violence. The panelists suggested the following: […]
December 7th, 2007 14:20
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