Just to Say Hello
Category: Unitarian Universalism - General
Whatever happened to calling “just to say hi”?
The other night I was lying on the sofa in my apartment feeling bored, even a little lonely. Summer was fast-moving, with lots of weddings and weekend trips. Now my schedule is settling down, and it’s an adjustment. So I started thinking I should call someone. I have a set group of about three friends whom I speak to every week or two. But I’d talked to all of them recently.
I thought of another friend of mine, who just moved to another city. I had the desire to call her JUST TO SAY HELLO. Not to make plans (obviously, since she’s not here anymore). Just for a chat. That seemed like a good idea, but then I hesitated. I wondered if it was weird to just call out of the blue. But I telephoned anyway. We had a terrific conversation. I loved hearing about her life in the new city, and she sounded glad for news from home.
Later on, I thought more about that moment of hesitation. Where did it come from? In high school, I was glued to the telephone. I chatted with lots of people. I called my best friend even though I’d seen her that day in school, I called friends from summer camp, anyone I wanted to invite to a party, and most importantly, good friends I just felt like connecting with.
Somewhere along the way though, I stopped feeling that it was ok to call a friend just to catch up. I started to feel it was embarrassing to call out of a need for connection (a need that e-mail doesn’t always satisfy).
I am a Unitarian Universalist, and interdependence is one of the seven principles of Unitarian Universalism. So intellectually, I know that people need connection. But it was harder to acknowledge at a particular moment, as I was hanging out on the couch with nothing to do, that I was lonely and I needed to connect.
After some reflection, I recognize that loneliness and the desire to connect for what they are — perfectly normal feelings. They are nothing to worry about. As I am experiencing them, they are good things, helping me reach out to new people, and to friends I want to get to know even better.
September 12th, 2007 12:20
Interesting. :)
My husband and I have also noticed that we never call people to say hi anymore (even with unlimited long-distance) because we seem to be interrupting (TV usually) when we call. And no one calls us.
I wonder if this is pretty widespread (loneliness, lack of phone calls and connections).
September 12th, 2007 13:20
I was never a teenage phone user (mostly because I hardly had any friends), but I remember my mom being on the phone for several hours a day sometimes, catching up with all her friends. I never quite got into the phoning “just to say hi” thing out of fear that I’d be intruding on someone’s activities.
It’s weird, I think. But common. I can totally relate to what you’re saying. I have one friend who calls me regularly “just to say hi.” Sometimes we’ll talk for hours. I feel comfortable calling her, too. But with my other friends, I haven’t made it a habit.
I think it might be one of those things you just have to do. What’s the worst that can happen? Your friends think you like them? Hmm. I need to consider that myself.
September 12th, 2007 19:10
Hi! :waves:
Thanks for the encouraging note. I’ve been in & out of one particular UU church since 1996, so I’ll have to work my way back again. :)
I’m also part of a pagan networking group there.
Great entry. I also remember being on the phone for hours with friends, but now…I have a cell phone and never use it. I spend my days on a switchboard and do not talk on my phone almost at all at home (except maybe to order a pizza). Go figure.
September 13th, 2007 10:53
Comforting but also a little sad to know I’m not the only one who has this experience.
Ms. T, and Tracie, Maybe part of this is simply a result of growing up–all three of us remember making more calls earlier in life, and feeling less inhibited about it. I also wonder if it’s a technological thing. I used to feel that I had to call someone if I wanted to touch base, so that if I was interrupting something else they would just understand (or not pick up the phone!) But now, there’s so many alternatives, like e-mail and MySpace. It feels more intimate, even potentially intrusive, to call now.
On the other hand, telephone conversations allow us to connect on a potentially deeper level. Hafidha makes the point that “What’s the worst that can happen? Your friends think you like them?” And that is a very good thing. If someone calls me to see how I’m doing, I know that they cared enough to really take the time, and even put themselves out on a limb, to connect.
September 13th, 2007 16:53
I think Hafidha makes a great point, which I’ve been thinking about a lot.
This could totally be an issue with the friends I’ve chosen, but in the past I really got the strong sense I’m bothering and interrupting friends when I call them (say within the last five years). Even neighbors that I like don’t seem to like me calling. So I basically stopped. It could be me. :evil:
September 18th, 2007 13:18
I was reading the entries and I didn’t realize that others out there felt the same way. I finally found my high school sweetheart and I get to see him from time to time but I never call him to just say hi or at all for that matter. I get so scared that he might get annoyed with a simple hello and just talk because I don’t want to interrupt him if he is busy. I of course am still very much in-love with him so maybe that’s why I am a little shy about it but like you guys said maybe just calling to say hello will let him know that I still care.
September 19th, 2007 15:24
Ms. New, This must be very challenging. On the one hand, you want to show him that you care and are interested in reestablishing a romantic relationship. On the other hand, you want to be respectful of his personal boundaries, and to protect your own heart in the process.