It’s Ok if You’re Scared
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I have a hunch that one reason some people shy away from joining a religious community is that they fear organized religion is one big happy-fest, in which every tragedy must be met with a sunny attitude, and then explained away with some theologically-unsatisfying platitude. I think many people also worry that their everyday doubts, fears and anxieties will be unwelcome-or even seen as shameful-in religious life.
Rabbi Brian, author of “Religion Outside the Box Blog: 77% Weekly,” wrote a post recently on the dangers of “Spiritual Escapism.” As I understand him, Rabbi Brian defines “spiritual escapism” as the phenomenon in which we force ourselves to bury negative emotions out of a sense of obligation to be cheery at all times. His advice is instead that we fully experience our feelings. He writes:
I’m suggesting the religious-spiritual notion of living and being present to reality as it happens. In other words, being frustrated when we are frustrated, angry when we are angry, happy when we are happy, sad when we are sad. Just to experience our lives as they happen, not to judge them.
Of course, this advice too could be taken to the extreme. None of us enjoy being sad (by definition!) and I believe it worthwhile to strive to make ourselves happier. But Rabbi Brian is noting that when we strive to make ourselves happier by simply ignoring our negative feelings, we accomplish nothing. He writes, “A healthy spiritual life is not a way of avoiding human suffering or other ‘negative’ emotions.”
His advice reminds me of a sermon preached by Diane Elliott, the former intern minister at my congregation. In “Here Be Dragons that Devour Explorers,” she wrote about dragons as a metaphor for our inner “fears or challenges.” She said:
We are the explorers of our lives; we are free to search for what is true and right and for what gives us meaning. We all have dragons that come to us in various disguises. The questions are, “What do we do with them? Do we run from them, do we try to avoid them until they find us, do we try to control them before they control us or do we shake hands with them.”
Rumi said, “Our greatest fears are like dragons guarding our greatest treasures.” If this is true than I think the best way to meet the dragon is to love the dragon with all our hearts knowing that the treasure will be discovered and we will move on until the next dragon sounds its warning.
The message that I took away from this sermon is that we do and should strive for happiness, by considering our fears, without shame, and with courage.
August 17th, 2007 11:32
Shelby, This is definitely a fear I find myself struggling with-but on a different level; not only is there push to be positive in spite of everything falling down around you, but for me there is the residual mind set left over from a fire and brimstone Southern Baptist culture. It wasn’t just in church, it was the everyday culture; if something went wrong in your life, it was either a) your fault from being a sinner, or b) your fault because you weren’t strong enough in your faith and prayers to make a difference. I think that is why I am restless and searching faith, and why I love your insights to something more open and loving.
August 17th, 2007 16:20
Dawn,
Unfortunately the temptation to blame people for the bad things that happen to them seems to be a part of human nature. I think it comes out of fear, because it is scary to admit that bad things can happen, even to people who have faith and a strong prayer life. It is very painful to be on the receiving end of this kind of blame from others, and even more painful when we blame ourselves.
I do believe that God loves each person, and that the more in touch with that love we are, the more we can appreciate ourselves, and others. I think that God wants our religious communities to be places where we can truly get to know one another and support one another. This means sharing our fears and disappointments as well as our joys and triumphs.