In His Element

While in Harvard Square a few weekends ago, Shai and I stepped into Sanders Theater, one of the Harvard auditoriums, to listen to a classical music concert. I’m usually not one for classical music, but we were nearby anyway and the concert was free. It’s also fun to go into Sanders Theater, which is an amazing space. Although it seats 800 people, you can identify people from across the circular room. With the auditorium’s fine wooden detailing and swooping curves, I feel like I am sitting at the bottom of a giant wooden bowl.

The conductor was a thin older man, wearing a black shirt with some kind of orange crocheted vest on top. As he spoke about the piece he was about to play, I was distracted with looking at other concert goers, taking in the space, and trying to decide if the orange vest was a strange thing to wear, or completely perfect for the conductor. But as soon as the first note of music was struck, I was fixated on him. He swooped his arms like he was tracing the crest of a wave, as the music swelled and then subsided. His hand jabbed closer, then further, then closer again to the musicians in front of him as the music pulsed. At that moment, he was the music. I imagined that in his mind, there was only music.

After several mesmerizing minutes, I thought, “This man is in his element. That must feel incredible. What makes me feel that way?”

One of the times I am in my element is when I am drawing. When I’m drawing, I’m totally focused. There are thoughts, but they are only about the art, nothing else. And I feel like I am really seeing, as if for the first time. Painting I also love, especially watercolor. I love watching how the paint drifts across the page like a slow moving stream, fueled by a little tilt of the page, a single drop of water, or the gentle push of a brush.

And yet, I’ve gone months at a time without drawing or painting. It’s only over the last few months that I’ve started to spend more time on visual art. I loved it in high school, but then I drifted away from it, with the demands of school, career and other things. Another reason I didn’t make time for it is because I thought painting and drawing didn’t “accomplish” anything. They aren’t really “doing” activities for me. They are more like forms of meditation.

With that kind of thinking, it’s a wonder I make it to worship on Sunday mornings! Sure, when I lead worship, I have a sense of accomplishment. This is especially true when I feel like my sermon touched other people, and like I learned something in the process of preparing and leading the service. But actually going to worship doesn’t really involve much accomplishment or doing. In fact, I’m usually less productive the rest of the day.

So why do I go to worship? Because I like being a little more spiritually grounded! I like feeling good! And over time, I’ve realized, it’s ok to spend time on things solely because I enjoy them and they nurture my sense of God.

Today I noticed in The Christian Century a piece titled “Living with Martha” by Stephanie Frey. Frey examines Luke 10:38-42, which describes Jesus’s visit to the home of two sisters, Mary and Martha:

…he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42, from the New Revised Standard Version)

I mention this story because it illustrates that the tension between activities that accomplish some short-term goal, and activities that involve simply being in the presence of the sacred, without immediate accomplishment. This is a tension that has been around for a long time. And it’s a tension many readers of the story intuitively understand. Many people, such Frey and myself, sympathize much more easily with Martha. Mary seems lazy, while Martha is doing a great service by preparing her home for her guest.

For me, I can’t really agree with the message of this passage, that there is “only one thing” needed in life, and that is to listen to God. It seems to me that God often calls us to “do!” and that it is a spiritual misstep to remain passive in those moments. However, perhaps we can best hear God’s voice when we are nurturing our spirit, when are letting ourselves be in our element. Perhaps the impact of hearing God in those moments spreads to everything in our lives, the doing and the being.